Questions.

Over the past few years, I’ve found myself asking a lot of questions.

• How did I get to Florida
• Why am I trying to become a Graphic Designer
• Why am I still living in St. Augustine
• Why did I choose this company
• What the hell do I do now

The paths our lives take are driven by the answers to questions. This use to terrify me.

I am a creature of habit and drastic changes in life have never been favorable. The first question I was asked, to start my path into adulthood was, “What college are you going to go to?” I knew college was the right step to take, but I didn’t want the pressure of deciding. Being a product of divorced parents, my mom wanted me to move to Florida for school, while my dad wanted me to stay in Colorado. I applied to schools in both states, hoping to get denied by a few so the decision would be easier. I was accepted to all four schools I applied to. Damn. I decided on RMCAD in Colorado, let the guilt trip being. Shortly after going through almost the entire entry process for RMCAD, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. His house was right down the street from the school. Next thing I knew I was asking Flagler College in Florida to reissue my acceptance in July 2009, one month before school was to start. Everything went smoothly and I was a full time student at Flagler College for the next four years. I struggled everyday with my identity as a Graphic Designer. I never once felt like I was good enough, artistic enough or worthwhile enough for any employer. I worked vigorously to become the best designer I could be. At the end of it all, I left Flagler with a portfolio most would say is impressive.

I was then presented with my next question, “Where do you want to work?” Before leaving school I had started an internship at The St. Augustine Ampitheatre. Music + Graphic Design = my perfect job. I enjoyed what I was doing, but at some point well after I graduated, I hit my ceiling there. Under such strict timelines, with little to no creative assistance, I could no longer produce work that I was proud of. I fell into the same routines and ultimately no longer enjoyed what I was doing. I then found a studio to work at in St. Augustine called Troika. This was a nice change of pace for a while, but I still felt unfulfilled. I knew staying in a same town would be crippling to my career as a designer. I started looking around bigger cities in Florida. After looking through agencies in Orlando, I found one that stood out to me. After being shot down time and time again by other agencies, I tried a different approach at this one. I emailed in simply asking for advice. This got my foot in the door and before I knew it I was an intern for one of the top Drupal development agencies in Orlando. I finally felt fulfillment. I felt encouraged and like I had made it. Then came the next question.

This was a nice change of pace for a while, but I still felt unfulfilled.

“Why did I choose this company?” After forming incredibly close bonds to all of the employees, I started hearing the complaints. I ignored them for a while because what I was experiencing there was unlike anything I ever had. People respected me. Or so I thought. As soon I was getting really close to people there, everyone started leaving the company. Within six months I saw 11 of the original 26 people leave. That’s when things really started getting messy. Chaos ensued. Projects fell through, clients left, organization went out the window, employees were scared and our freedoms were taken away. I didn’t know how to cope. I tried my hardest everyday but I felt abandoned and my heart wasn’t really in it anymore. On an very unsuspecting Tuesday, I was called into the CEO’s office and told my contract was being terminated. I was in complete shock.

Being at that company made me realize how much I dislike working creatively 24/7. I enjoy designing, but having a constant demand hanging over your head like an annoying gnat that won’t go away, really suffocated the joy out of design for me. Thus I was presented with my next question, “What the hell do I do now?” One of the main reasons I chose the agency I did was because they are a web development agency. In school, I gravitated towards development even though I was doing it completely wrong. I was talking with recruiter one day and he had mentioned The Iron Yard. What really peaked my interest was when he told me it was an actual code bootcamp, with a real life teacher and everything. I started to research the school and eventually applied. After talking with the director of the cohort, I actually really started to think about doing it. My family ranged all over from pushing me to start immediately and being highly spectacle of the whole thing. I knew I needed a change though, and I wanted to find a job doing something I love. So I started putting things in motion. All of my ducks eventually fell into a row and before I knew it I was starting my first class of the course 2 weeks ago today.

It has been a challenge, but one thing I know for sure is that, if I had not found answers to all those hard questions, I would not be where I am today. I think I am exactly where I need to be right now and it feels good to know that in less than three months from now, I will more than likely be able to start the next big chapter in my life and actually find a job that is fulfilling and life altering. The funny thing is, I’m not even a little scared of change anymore. I know now how necessary it is, and I proud of the person I have become in spite of it. So what is the next big question life will throw at me?

Damn You Keychain, Thank You Terminal

I have now completed three weeks at The Iron Yard. They have been packed full of new information, light bulb moments and also dim bulb moments. I am still not great at the learning on my own thing, which has definitely presented some problems for me.

Last week we started JavaScript. This will be my weak point, but I will work hard to overcome it. Over the weekend I utilized lynda.com as a resource to just start from scratch on JavaScript. This definitely helped get a grasp on just the bare minimum (I took over four pages of notes…). With my new found knowledge I was able to actually look at the assignment now without crying.

At the beginning of the week, I felt pretty low, I felt like I was never going to wrap my head around the language, but after this weekend, I am feeling more positive of what I will be able to catch onto this week.

I was able to actually look at the assignment now without crying.

My high for the week came when my best friend asked me about her keychain on her new mac. I can’t tell you what she did but I can tell you I spent an hour and a half researching and trying things. I even got so frustrated looking through her files that I used terminal to search her directories and delete files. I also found a command to show hidden files which is the whole reason I was using terminal in the first place. It may have taken more time then I was really wanting to spend looking at it but I felt so accomplished afterwards because I knew it was something she would have never been able to figure out and I got to use my new skills. This is how I know how much progress I’ve made. I use to be terrified of the terminal and now, it’s my best friend (I apologize for all the bad words I said about you terminal, we can hang now though).